Wake The F*ck Up with Joseph Bongiovi

0:00 Hey there, I'm Will. And I'm Karen. Welcome back to the Skeptic Manifestitions, the show that convinced that most of us have been sleepwalking through our own lives and calling it a personality. Today's episode comes with a warning label, not the one that you might think you actually might finish the episode and realize a person you've been trying so hard to become was never the assignment after all. Turns out the assignment was underneath the whole time buried under conditioning fear and a truly exhausting amount of scrolling. Now Joseph Bongeo of you wrote the book on it, literally it's called, "Wake the fuck up" and no, that is not a type that we're allowed to soften. He spent over 20 years inside mainstream entertainment before becoming a certified meditation instructor and a life coach and he is brutally honest.

0:48 The transformation ain't finished. Maybe ever. He's a certified life coach and meditation instructor through the J-Sheddy Certification School and holds a primordial sound meditation certification from the Chopra Center. Joseph Bongeo. Welcome to the show. How are you doing today? I'm amazing. Thank you, Will and Karen. I appreciate that intro. Well, wonderful. And it's great to be here talking to you guys in your audience. It is fantastic to have you. It's been one challenge after another but we're so happy to have you here. I wanted to start and dive right into it because I love this topic. So when you submitted yourself to our show, this is what you said.

1:29 You said people are living unconsciously. They've forgotten who they are beneath the conditioning fears, distractions and stories remind the past and the world have created, disconnected from who they truly are. They are quietly robbing themselves of peace, purpose and fulfillment. Wake the fuck up. Guide them back to remembering who they really are. And you say that the greatest transformation in life doesn't come from becoming someone new. It comes from remembering who you've always been. Joseph, that is poetry. Roll the credits. I'm out of route. Alright, so it's super easy said and done. We all recognize that is the case.

2:10 But holy smokes is it hard to unscrew ourselves. So I'm hoping that your book is going to help us do that. Yeah, I am too. The whole reason why I wrote it, to be honest with you. I say that it took me four years, but it really took me a lifetime. I couldn't really have written that book at any other time in my life than now. And primarily, it's because of that journey. And it's a continuing journey. You never really arrive. You just live, right? And grow and learn and make mistakes and be human and forgive yourself and forgive others.

2:53 And don't stop keeping yourself accountable. More than anything else. Yeah. It's such a great point. At the end of it all, we're all striving to be perfect spiritual beings or perfect human beings and beat ourselves up when we fall short of that goal. When it essence, I wonder if that's not the goal at all. Maybe the goal is just to just be one step better every day. Authentic is the word I love. That's a perfect word for it. So how, you know, we spend our lifetime being exposed to family's relationships environment, news, social situations.

3:42 That's a lot to undo. How do you even start? I don't think I don't look at it as an undoing. That's why I use the word wake and they're saying wake up. It's not so much an undoing as it is a recognition, right? An understanding, an awareness, right? Of how, on a minute by minute basis, sometimes your past and everything that's happened to you up until this moment has, whether you're like, "No, it has had effect on how you move forward in life, how you react, how you choose a partner, how you choose a career, how you choose where you live, how, you know, everything that you do, every single decision is influenced by every environment that you've experienced."

4:34 And that doesn't stop, right? What does stop eventually is your manifestation of what you're putting in your life, what you're attracting, right? So for instance, when you're younger, you create these, believe it or not, it's a natural thing. We create these orders, right? These safety nets in our life, right? That work really well for us, you know, they protect us from scrutiny, from our peers, they protect us from if we have not the best home life, right?

5:16 We create very naturally it and, you know, protection mechanisms for ourselves. The problem is we don't ever let them go. And so what worked for us at 10 years old, in very well, doesn't so much work for us at 25, right? When we're trying to find a partner, right? Because we're closed off, let's say, you know, we had to close ourselves off emotionally, we had to protect ourselves, we had to, you know, we had to become so in tune to our environment if it was not a healthy environment. All these things that we then hold on to and slowly have to learn how to let go of and and or use to our benefit as well.

6:00 It's just we have to try to evolve more. We have to try to awaken ourselves up to where we've been and where we can go. And that's why it's about becoming somebody you were always supposed to be because, you know, at least my generation or our generation, you know, our parents did the best they could, but they definitely were not a plus parents, like there are today, right? And so they made their mistakes, they made their errors and we suffered the consequences of that, you know? And I know it sounds really trite, everybody says, well, it's all about your past and your relationship with your mother and your blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but it's said so many times because it's true.

6:43 Thank you, Dr. Freud. So I agree. It's completely true. And I picture the thought of who you're supposed to be, who you're always supposed to be, a picture of what Michael Angelo said when he was creating the David, someone asked him, how did you create that? And he said, it just got the block of ice. I saw David in there and just chipped away the stuff that wasn't it, right? Wasn't. So that's kind of how I feel about this process. But in order to do that first, you have to realize, first of all, that you're living unconsciously because right now everyone's walking around doing their thing, living their lives.

7:24 And every once in a while you get smacked in the head and go, oh my god, I got to wait the fuck up. But so how do you, first of all, recognize that you're living unconsciously? Well, I mean, unfortunately, there are these life events that happen to us and you can't avoid them, right? Divorce is a huge one, probably one of the top three that there are, right? Laws of a career or a job or income. Death, obviously, of a loved one is a very big one as well. These are these life events that do kick us in the ass that do wake us up momentarily. But most of the time we don't like what we see. And so, you know, we're grieving of a death or we're, or of a divorce or whatever.

8:05 And we, we instantly, even though there's that moment of clarity, there's a moment of nothing else matters, right? You're not thinking about the passion, not thinking about the future, you're just thinking about how horrible you feel at that moment, how powerless you feel. And you wind up almost going through this surrender process. It all happens very quickly. And then what you do there is what's crucial. And most of the time what we do is we fall back into old habits. We fall back into alcohol, drug abuse or use to hide our feelings or the victim part. We become the victim. It's all about poor me, right? And not taking accountability, you know, relationships and life is a two way street, you know that there's this saying that you're always 50% right, which means you're always 50% raw.

8:53 Yes. Right? And what that does is that that tells you, I need to look at myself no matter what happens, no matter what situation I find myself in some way, shape or form, I put myself there. There are no victims, right? I mean, I'm going to sit here and give you so many different beautiful sayings, but it's true. There are no victims. Only, you know, volunteers, right? And you got to tell that to all the victims. Right. Right. But you know what? But even I won't get too deep, but there really aren't any victims. Even the force, even the unfortunate people that are victimized, right?

9:35 In abusive relationships, for instance, okay? They've still in some way put themselves there. For a reason that is whether it's they are, they feel unworthy. They have a very low self esteem. These are all things that were developed when we were younger, right? Our parents calling us stupid instead of our names. You're so stupid. Why are you so stupid? You know? And our parents did that and didn't think twice about doing it. But when you're young, that's imprinted, man. That's like, that's with you the rest of your life unless you do something about it. So I don't deserve any better than this, right? Or you were abused by your parents and now you're abused in a relationship. So you're really not a victim.

10:16 You're not a victim because you can do something about it. Even if you find yourself in a bad situation, you can still do something about it. But we have these life events getting back to what we were talking about and they wake in us. But we don't have to wait for those to happen. And that's why I use my own personal experiences in the book to kind of give it an authenticity of sorts. And that I'm not just blurting these things out and I haven't lived through them. Everything in that book, I've lived through at least once. It's not more. And a lot of times you have to do that. So it's kind of like a, it's what they call KBB, knowledge-based business or a knowledge-based behavior.

10:59 Behavior. Behavior, right? Where I've lived through this. So 35-year-old version of me who is now 30, some guy that's 35 years old, I can, you know, trust me, young man. I'm telling you right now, this is what's going to happen if you keep going down the road you're going to. You know, don't do what I did. All of these trite things that we've heard our whole life, they're all true. You don't have to wait until you get divorced to wake the thought. You don't have to wait for somebody important in your life to pass away. To wake the thought, you know, you don't have to lose your career in order to wake the thought.

11:39 Yeah, but it takes a certain amount of motivation to make that happen because we are living unconsciously and we're comfortable, right? So it's when that uncomfortable thing happens that makes us, that forces us to wake up. So how can we put our wake comfortable? We're comfortable in as much as we don't have to stretch. We don't have to do anything that's outside with the normal thing that we do. A routine. Or maybe you're used to the environment. Or you used to. Or you used to. Right, right. Or you used to it, right? So that's the thing. And go ahead. Let me talk about victims. I think it's sometimes easier. A lot of times it's easier to blame other things for, you know, imposing this on you, to feel like you're that victim person.

12:23 And then you don't really have to do anything about it because you can't control it. And that's what we need to do. But what are you going to do? Yeah. You're going to repeat it. Yeah, exactly. And it's changing that mindset. Yeah. How many people do you know that your girlfriend calls you, Karen, and says, I can't believe I did this again. Why do I keep choosing the same man? Yeah. I wonder. But even so, it's like we look at our daughter and she, we see her doing the same things over and over again. And she's not even aware that she's doing it. At least some, those people that come to Karen to say, I did it again, I have some sort of awareness. But there are those that don't aren't even aware that they're doing it. And they actually say, when you say to them, well, you're making the choice.

13:05 You're choosing that guy over and over again and go, what? Well, I'm not. But they are. So it's not, it's really easy to say, wake up, but it's really hard when you don't even realize that you are asleep. Right. Right. No. You can't wake anyone up. You can't, just like you can't make anyone change. Right. Right. And you have to, the person has to want to change. And why does anyone want to change? Because they have recognized that they don't like who they are, that they need to make some adjustments in their life, that they're being honest with themselves, finally, about themselves.

13:46 And I need to change. I need to lose weight so I could feel better about myself, not lose weight so that everybody else can be attracted to me. Everything that you do, it's the subtle differences in why you do it. Right. You don't make anyone truly change. Right. Because it's not authentic to them. They're not doing it for themselves or doing it for you or they're doing it because it looks better on social media when your lips are filled with what they're looking at above the floor, all that crazy stuff that they do. Do it for yourself. And the only reason you're going to do it for yourself is because you finally recognize that you're not the best version of who you are. Right.

14:26 And most people don't wake up. It's the problem, right? Most people don't wake up. Most people live. Or if they do, it's when they're 85, 90s lying on their deathbed saying, "I wish. Wish I knew then what I know now. I wish I had done this. I wish I had done that. I wish it." You know what I mean? I wish that I realized that life is a game. And we're here to play it. We're here to enjoy it. Right. You have a good end all the bad and the bad. Especially all the bad. Right? Carl Young says that forever. He's been saying that forever. It's like, you know, until you embrace hardship and understand that it's part of why we are here, you're just going to continue to devolve because you're avoiding it and they recall every kind of.

15:20 And Buddha, why is a word? It's a word is suffering. So it is. That is. But to people take that so literally and they do. Yeah. Yeah. It's not like life is about suffering because what he's really saying is life is about growth and evolving. You don't evolve sitting on a beach in Santa Pec. Right. I mean, I don't know why. I'm my 10 Buddha God. My sense of self of well-being would evolve. But so the point of it all is to find a way to separate yourself from suffering, right? So that's the whole Buddha thing. But I recognize that it's helping. For sure. I know. But what is he also?

16:00 But Buddha also said the root of all suffering is desire, right? Attachment. Yes. Yes. Exactly. Yeah. And it's true. It's very true. Yeah. You know, all we want to do is we desire this. We desire that. We get it. We realize that's not what that's not happening. We want something else. We desire something else. Yes. Right. And something else. A lot more. Bundan opportunities to walk more and more and more when in essence. And that's why people would have their entire lives. And finally realize it had nothing to do with any of that. I mean, half of my clients are very wealthy people who are very unhappy. I mean, the hell wealthier they are, quite honestly, the unhappier they are.

16:45 This is, which is why we stay in Pistpore. The dammit we're happy. We're very happy. No, but we have had conversations recently where you know, you get to that age and you start to learn these lessons and realize these things. And I'm like, you know, I'm sick of the whole keeping up with the Joneses and the house and the stuff just feels so heavy. It's like, I just want to sell everything and have a little bakery because I like to bake. Let's do it. And that seems so ideal. Let's do it. You know, it's all about the lessons and more. Yeah. Agreed. So if someone's right now listening to this or watching this and they're not sure whether they're awake or not, but they know that they want to wake up if they're not.

17:26 Do you have any tips for someone who wants to walk that path? Does know how to start? If they're watching this, they already do. Beautiful. Beautiful. But then what's the next step? Feed your book. Feed my book. That's such a lazy way to answer your question. And the next step is to continue it on your own. And find more of these opportunities, whether it's other podcasts or books. And for me, it was about books. I was also lucky enough to get silver at a very young age, 21.

18:06 And so the introspection side of me woke up at that point, right? With, you know, anything about the 12 step program in the AA, which is wonderful. And it's actually been compared to a lot of Buddhist writings. To be honest, actually, there's a book that does, there's a book you can get a camera in the name of it that literally side by side compares the 12 step program and Buddhism. And it's uncanny. But my point is that find something that's going to support this journey in the beginning. And then it'll grow from there. Whether that is a book or it is a podcast or it is whatever it is, you know, or a shaman or a life coach or whatever, just you can't do it alone.

18:47 And ultimately you have to have some tools. And that's why I put the book together because it's built to do that. It's written in a way that it starts very rudimentary and then it gets super deep, probably a little too deep maybe, but whatever. But it's a process that you can do over and over and over again. And that's why I put the tools and resources at the end of the book for people to continue on. I recommend other books in my book, which, you know, people don't usually do, right? It's like, no, don't buy more of my books. Go buy these books. But it's because those really helped me, those books and the people that I, you know, that I follow and experience and, and then what happens is the universe responds to you.

19:31 All of a sudden the universe starts giving you things that are like that. Rather than if you're playing a victim or you're, you know, you're doing drugs or alcohol or whatever it is that you're doing that's not helping you, you're going to get more of that from the universe. The universe doesn't know the difference. All it knows is it reacts to you and what you're putting out there. And that's why I said earlier about the manifestation part is you're manifesting all this. You're not a victim. You're manifesting it by, by, by not changing and by having, you know, a low self-esteem. I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy of making money. I'm not, I never have been. I never will. And guess what? You're not gonna. You're just not gonna.

20:12 That's why there's people out there that are very wealthy because they're narcissists, right? Because they're like, it's all about me and it's all about money and I'm gonna be rich. I'm already, they act like as if they have it. And they literally use that to continue to grow on that side of the coin, right? Unfortunately, there's, that's not a path to happiness ultimately and they find that out. Right. But the point is still the same. Money can manifest because everybody on planet earth is, is manifesting. Right. Whether they like it or not. Whether they know it or not. Right. Right. Right. So, so that's that awareness though. Because then you, then it becomes a tool.

20:53 Right. Then you're like, almost like in a selfish way, you're like, I want to learn more about this because it's making me happy and I can manifest this happiness in my life. And so you start learning more, doing more, being more and then it starts to kind of return and come back to you again, you know. But then something else that Buddha said was that the way to happiness is by being of service to others. Yes. Right. So, the intention goes a long way. It matters a lot what your intentions are. But just if your intention is just, I want to manifest being rich because I want to be rich. It's maybe going to be a little bit more difficult than if you say, I want to have the money, the resources to be able to share it with those that are in more need.

21:37 Just a thought. No. No, that's exactly right. People talk about manifesting a lot and you might say, okay, you have to picture, like we talked to someone about a red corvette. You have to picture this red corvette and you have to already know that you want the red corvette. And I've tried. And I did not get a red corvette. Because you don't like corvits. Well, that's true. No, but I mean, you know what I'm saying. It's like sometimes I feel like you fix it on something and you still don't get it. So how can you help someone who, like me, sometimes gets in that position where you're thinking about something and you think you're, you think you're manifesting it, but you don't. Two answers to that.

22:17 One is you might have manifested it in another way because 90, from what I, my experience has been and what I've read about this is that it comes, but not in the same package that you think it's going to come. Do you know what I mean? Like you could have, for instance, and I'm not saying that it happened to you, but you could have had a windfall of money where you could have used that money to get your red corvette, but you decided without even thinking that no, I'm actually going to use it to pay off my kids college or blah, blah, blah, but do other things with it, right? But that was your red corvette. Who knows? You know, I'm saying so it comes in different ways than you imagine and usually in a much more profound way, right?

23:02 Then you could have ever imagined. So, you know, and the other answer to that question is patients, you know, patients, it comes when you're ready to receive it. That's right. Because let's say you're not ready to receive it, you force it to happen and you have a head on collision and die. Oh. With the right corvette. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not kidding. I'm just kidding. You're not even in the right place at the right time kind of time. So what I'm saying is you have to trust this power greater than yourself, universe, God, whatever you want to call it. You have to trust that it has your best interest, right? At heart.

23:42 Because maybe you just not supposed to have a red corvette, but you can have something eating better. So you'll get, and that's a trust. That's going to be, like, when you need when you're ready. When the other team's you're ready. On top of having that faith, you also have to take a line of action, right? So yes, yes, yes. To your point, you could have gotten the money and you didn't take a line of action, you use that money for something else. And that's where you, you know, things go. So yeah, it's a lot more complicated than it just is. It's really, but it's not complicated. Well, it's complicated if you're not living in a present moment and being conscious of that of your actions every, every moment. Because if you got, she sing about this red corvette and she got this windfall of money and she uses it for a retreat instead of a corvette because she wasn't thinking about she was like, "Oh my gosh, I got this great money and she had forgotten she wanted this red corvette."

24:32 And so she wasn't present. And she went on this retreat, which changed her life even more. Absolutely. And she became even more aware and awake. And it was all because she initially wanted a red corvette. Yes. I am. See? You see the connection? 100%. 100%. And then you set up the overmind that we don't know really what's best for us. So if you just trust the right thing will come to us. And ideally, I just would have met prints instead. There you go. Little red corvette. Oh God. Really? You were like the prince guy. Wow, did you really? Oh my God. I'm a shame. Wow. No, but see, you were talking red, big red corvette.

25:13 I just said red corvette. I mean, they're all kind of the same. Yeah. Anyways. I would have been having a nice tooth. Yeah. You wouldn't have been like that. You would have been like that. I've met him. He's near. Oh, really? Just a human being. I mean, yes, he's a stranger. He was a stranger being, but he was also quite a genius human being. Oh my God. You can do it. Like so God given. Yes, God given talent. Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, so then Joseph, do you think that in today's world it's harder to wake up? I mean, we've got distractions everywhere, right? The modern world is keeping us so disconnected with the phones and the computers and everything that's going around.

26:00 Is it more difficult to wake up now? Yes. It was back then. Absolutely. Absolutely. That's a percent. I like that. Which is also why they're, the world is going to shit. Meaning, no, meaning to wake up things have to get a lot worse because of that, right? Am I making any sense? We have to hit rock bottom. Right. Exactly. With those events. Right. So the politics and all the things that are happening, much more intensely than they ever did before because they need to be louder than the distractions.

26:48 Right. Well, okay. Shifting gears for a quick second because you are in the skeptic manifestations. Here comes the skeptic in me. Yeah. Just to talk. I love it. No, bring it. Bring it. If every belief is conditioning, right? Even that thought that the true self is just another conditioning agent, something else that another story we're telling ourselves. Sure. Okay. Yes. Absolutely. There's a saying, I may not be who I'm supposed to be. I may not be where I'm supposed to be.

27:28 I may not be what I'm supposed to be, but at least I'm not what I used to be. Okay. I like it. Yeah. But then who should say that the narcissist isn't the right one or is it, are we all right? Like the narcissist is right for them and the ones who are following the path of self awakening is right for us. Everybody plays a role. Everybody's here to play a role. And sometimes that role is to teach others what not to do or sometimes that role is, I mean, you're in Yang, black and white.

28:11 You know, one doesn't exist without the other. You know, there are have been extremely evil people in this world, you know, like Hitler, who served a purpose. Believe it or not, in reuniting or reuniting the world to destroy him, right? And his followers and it's served a purpose to the, you know, to the detriment of millions of people, but at the same time, everybody's here to serve a purpose. And sometimes that purpose isn't to find happiness all the time. That's not what it's about.

28:52 You know, you're in a relationship with someone and you make some mistakes and you hurt them. That was your purpose and that relationship. I'm not saying you forgive yourself. Oh, well, I did my purpose. So I didn't do anything wrong. I did exactly what I was sent to do. That's a cop out. That's bullshit. You know, you still need to learn what you did so that you don't do it again. But in their life, you serve that purpose of maybe waking them up, maybe realizing that was the last time they were ever going to let somebody emotionally abuse me and take advantage of me. And sometimes it's waking yourself up when you realize, oh my God, I just heard this shit out of this person. Yes. Exactly. Exactly. So, so I don't think we, I think the most important thing is to be authentic as authentic as you can be today.

29:38 That's all. And to continue evolving, always be evolving. No matter what it is, always be evolving, never stop to evolve. And even if you make mistakes, that's part of evolving because ultimately as long as you realize you've made a mistake, then that's it. That's the awareness that you need. That's the awakening that you consistently have to have. It doesn't mean you're going to stop making mistakes. It doesn't mean that you're not going to still be a little bit narcissistic. It doesn't mean that you're not going to want money more than you should. And we are human. I mean, let's, at least for me, I remember every day, sometimes multiple times a day, that I am a spiritual being, having this human experience on purpose.

30:26 Okay. Why? Because being human is imperfect, right? In our spiritual embodiment, we're probably a lot more perfect than we are in our human, right? And so we're here to have this more imperfect experience in order to grow and learn as a spiritual being because we can't in our spiritual form because everything is perfect, right? I'm being very rudimentary in how I'm putting this, but my point is that I'm here to be that human being and to be as authentic as possible, right?

31:07 But remembering that I signed up for this in the first place. So, and that's all part of the awakening. That's all part of the understanding, you know? I keep coming back to one thought. I'm sorry, I can't. I keep coming back to one thought because at the beginning, we were talking about becoming who we actually were always meant to be versus aspiring to be someone better than we are, right? The self-help world makes billions of dollars on reinvention, being the better self, being the better you, in every way, spiritual, physical, emotional, you name it. But this is, you're talking about authenticity.

31:52 It walks a fine line between being okay with being an asshole and finding your true self in the most optimistic way possible, right? So, let me ask you a question. Yeah. Do you believe that we're one we're born? We're perfect? Yes. Okay, I do. Okay. And I've answered your own question. And I believe that we're, I see how you did there. Yes, I see we did there. So we are trying to become, okay, so I have to stop. That when we're born, we are perfect beings.

32:34 And in little by little, we are programmed by our parents, by our environment, by the media, by our schools, by our religion, by every, we are programmed into someone that we are not. So that's what you're talking about. It's going back to who we were when we were first born, we had no programming at all. And it's interesting because so I went to Catholic school for 12 years, you went as well. So you know, you, I remember the stories. And one thing that I do remember them teaching about was that, I don't know if it was Jesus or God, someone said, you have to become a child again, but to get into the kingdom of heaven. That was Jesus. Was that Jesus? Okay. So maybe that's what we're talking about really.

33:16 Yeah, it is. And that's the, and that's the journey. And yet we treat it like a devolving. Oh, you're acting like such a child. Right. But it's not at that, not what we're talking. The purity of when we are first born, those, those first six months, let's say, I don't know what it is. I'm sure there's been studies and whatnot. We're, we're perfect. We're, we're, we're, and pathetic. And we're, you know, we just, we are perfect beings, right? Before we're touched and influenced by the world that we're born into, right? But what an accomplishment to be able to go through life, this life, this crazy ass world that we live in.

34:04 And come back to that, right? I mean, that's an accomplishment. I don't care how much money you've made. I don't care if you invented the, you know, the most amazing machine. I don't care if you, you know, you cured old age and people live forever. That in my opinion is it. Right. I mean, we already do it physically, right? We go back to having a word, diabetes. Yeah. Get dementia. You forget everything. Right. Right. You know. Well, if it reminds me of in Buddhism and Hinduism, there is, the point is we're trying to get back to just being awareness, sitting in awareness.

34:55 And that's when you're first born, I can only imagine you are pure awareness in a body and you find everything fascinating. Your hand is fascinating. Your mother's face, everything is fascinating. And I think getting back to that is a beautiful thought. But we know so much more. And it's not just programming, but rather we know of the anger in the world. We know of the injustice in the world. So it's difficult to just disregard that. Of course. Yeah. And you don't. We should never disregard any of that. That's not part of awakening.

35:36 That's staying asleep. We have to embrace it, understand it, be compassionate about it, you know, and forgiving to be honest with you. Which is insane. Sometimes you sit there and you hear these stories of, you know, a man's daughter is violently murdered by another man. And he just forgives it. No, the Mormon religion is very much well known for that, right? But I mean, there's something about that's pretty damn powerful. You know, they know something we don't know, in my opinion, right? Yeah, no, for sure, because I don't think I could forgive someone who they murdered my daughter.

36:20 That would be a tough one for me. Yeah, no. That would be done. It's been done. Oh, yeah. No, right? They're better people than me. What did Jesus say on the cross? Yeah, forgive if they don't, they know not what they do. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there it is, be like Jesus. It's the love. Looking at everything through. It's there, guys. It's there. It's there. You watch a silly commercial and you cry. I did the other day. Okay. All right. But in that pure moment, right, before you start judging yourself or your embarrassed or all the other shit that happens when you realize you're crying, but right at that moment, that feels so tough.

37:02 Yourness. There's this pureness. There's this joy you feel. There's this glow inside you. Yes. Am I wrong? No, you're not. That's true. There was a glow, even though it was crying like a baby. It was glowing. That's it. It's that connection. Yeah. You know, that momentary connection to those emotions, to those people, to the possibilities to everything. Right. Yeah. That's it. That's it. I'd love for you to share with us if you wouldn't mind one of the stories that's in the book that showcased this transformation because I mean, you, you mean, you met Prince for God's sake. You are cousins with some very important people, for example. You've worked in the music industry at the highest level.

37:43 So that's not something that you think of someone all of a sudden going and waking up from that because you had a lot, right? You were in the thick of the fame and the fortune and all that kind of stuff. So what happened to help you wake up? I got there and it wasn't what I thought it would be. Not even close. And because I had the benefit of waking up at a younger age, I've had these what I call annihilation moments. I write about it in the book in my life. The first one being getting sober and when you get sober, you have to change.

38:25 They say people, places and things. Basically you have to change your entire life in order to live a life of sobriety, right? And I did exactly that, including moving from New Jersey to California. And I think when those moments happen, I am, I don't have an escape. I wasn't, I got rid of that part, right? So I couldn't escape the moments. I had to be sober and there, right? And experience them. And I did and I made the mistakes and I made decisions that, you know, that got me to places that I thought would equal to happiness, whether it was relationships or it was career or money or fame, recognition, all those things.

39:14 And none of them did it. If anything, they made me feel even worse, right? And I used to imagine, and this is very true, I used to imagine because you get stuck in that. Believe it or not, you got stuck. You're making all this money. You're making, you know, you got four kids, college, marriages, all these things. You're stuck. I was stuck in a relationship that wasn't working in a career that I didn't like. I didn't like anymore in making, in a lifestyle that I had to maintain for not just me, but everyone around me. And so I used to imagine something happening in the world that would end all that.

40:00 Literally. I didn't know what it was exactly, but something, that was my only escape was when something would happen that would just even the playing field that, that nothing else mattered except everybody had to survive. And I had my wheelbarrow. I'll use to make jokes about how, because I do a lot of physical work and stuff. And I had a wheelbarrow, everybody made fun of me, that I had a wheelbarrow. And I said, yeah, well, you know what, when the world crashes, you're going to want to use my wheelbarrow. And guess what happened? The pandemic. Now I'm not saying I caused it. That's not the point. The point is that it happened. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

40:42 And you and that wheelbarrow. Because it, yeah, because it got me, it hit the restart button at a time where I just didn't, I wouldn't, I'd still be doing, I'd still be there. I wouldn't have been able to do that. So, yeah. I don't know if that's the story you were looking for, but for me, that was, you know, that was, you know, one of, that was the last annihilation really was that. And then the book. But if there's any other story for me, it's not so much a story as it is. I just want to make sure that I make this point is, once you start waking up and you realize that it's all, that even though we have no control over anything, like, Pima Shadrin, who I've read a lot about, and you should read, she's amazing.

41:26 She's in the monk. She talks about living on unsettled ground, that we all live in a world that we have absolutely no control of. It's not at all zero, that the only constant in this entire universe is change. Right. I have heard that. That's the, yeah, that's the only constant. That's the only constant. I've got a tattooed on my back in, in Sanskrit. It's like, that's it. So anytime we fight that, we're fighting a universal law. Right? So we need to, so that's where the acceptance comes. But it's more than that.

42:10 It's also when something happens to us, it's not what happens to us that hurts us. It's how we perceive it. And there is the lesson. There is this solution. Is that anytime something happens to you and you feel yourself emotional and emotionally responding? Breathe for 90 seconds. That's all you need to do. 90 seconds is all it takes to change your life. For 90 seconds, it's just breathe and then change the way you're looking at what just happened. And that's it. Wayne Dyer said, when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.

42:51 That's very true. That's very true, yeah. And that's it. That's the secret. That's it. I'm like, I could have wrote that on a page and it would be in my book. Right. Right. It's about having thoughts and not believing them. Right. Looking at your thoughts and noticing your thoughts and not literally believing them. Yeah. Huh? How can you not believe your thoughts? Do you have the one thinking of them? Right. Well, it depends on where the thoughts coming from. I mean, emotions aren't facts. And how do you think without emotion? Right. You've got to be careful because your thoughts are emotionally charged by your past, by a lot of different things.

43:37 So don't always believe your thoughts. But there's a difference between your thoughts and your compass, your inner. We all have an inner kind of compass or call it people call it your gut feeling or the big word now is red flags. Yeah. I should have ignored the red flags. But we do ignore them, right? We do ignore our compass sometimes. We do ignore the fact that every ounce of us knows we should not be here. But yet we're still here. Why? Right? And it's because we're afraid to change. It's because we don't feel all these other things that we deal. We go see the cycle just we might be there because we're waiting for a payout.

44:20 Just saying that could be it too. But just that payout worth waiting for. I mean, it's a lot of money outwards. So you have all of this knowledge. You had this life. It wasn't what you wanted or what you had it hoped it would be. The pandemic hits. You hit rock bottom, so to speak, or that final annihilation. And looking at yourself now, would you say now? Would you say that you're happy? Barry. Good. By choice every morning. Every morning, every morning, I am grateful for everything. I'm grateful for waking up. Before my feet hit the bed, I say thank you.

45:03 I mean, hit the floor. I say thank you. Thank you for another day. Whatever is going to come my way. I'm ready. I'm here. Thank you. And the gratitude is, you know, is one of the key things that keep that happiness going. Happiness is a decision. Yeah. It's not something you'll go by. It's not something that somebody can give you. It's a decision. Yeah. Okay, I have a decision today. Am I going to be happier? Am I going to be miserable? What the f-- would I choose misery? Of course. I don't know. Some people are actually-- Some people are guilty to that drama. Some people are guilty to that drama. Yeah. Oh, most people. Yeah.

45:43 Most people want to sit there and watch the news for hours. Oh. Sit there on their phone and just, you know, by the way, a great example of manifestation is social media. Right? Everybody talks about the feed in there. You know, and we'll sort of look at for it. Algarism. Algarism. Algarism is manifestation. And it totally is. You create your own algorithm. My algorithm. If you looked at all of my social media, it's all spiritual shit because that's all I do. That's all I post. That's all I talk about. That's it. Right? So my algorithm is beautiful. I love my algorithm. Bring it. You know?

46:24 So that's-- but that's life. This is the same thing. You want more happiness. Like you said in the earlier, we'll put it out there. Give it out. Give it. Many other people happy. Smile at somebody in the line at the grocery store instead of sitting there like this waiting for your turn. Yes. Next time you're doing this, you're going to say, Joseph, and you're going to put it in your pocket. You're right. Yes. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Fuck. And those little things, those little things are what are our seats. You're planning seats. And the more seats you're planning, the more you're going to harvest from all that. You know? And I think gratitude is so important.

47:06 Sometimes it can seem so hard, but you can always find something. You know, you get in a car wreck. Always. But hey, I didn't die. Or, you know, you lose your job. Hey, but I still have a husband that loves me. I mean, you have to. Sometimes you have to look. Yeah. But you can always find something to be grateful for. It's true. Right. But it's also the perception of that. You know, you're going to have a job. You can look at it like, I'm a victim. I lost my job. What am I going to do now? Or you look at it like there are no dead ends. It's a detour. I'm being taken somewhere else. I can't wait to see where this goes. This is so exciting. It's about reframing your thought process. Reframing your perspective. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yeah. So you tell us about spirit warriors because you help people.

47:48 Spiritual warriors. Spiritual warriors. Yeah. You help a lot of people with that. How can someone work with you? They can go to spiritual warriors.com. Your life coach, you just barely, I mean, with a life coach and mentor, the person who's being a life coach and a mentor is a life coach isn't supposed to give you advice. They're supposed to ask you the same question in 12 different ways until you answer the right question until you give the answer yourself. So which there's a lot to be said about that. Yeah. Because it's the act of discovery. It's more authentic for you if you realize it yourself than you're told. When you're told something, you were told that and you don't own it as much. Right. A mentor is you want what they have.

48:31 How do I have? Tell me how you got what you have and show me how you did it and I want it. Okay. So I do like a combination of the two. Right. And you've got, when someone goes to spiritual warriors, you've got different things there. You've got content. You've got all kinds of. Yes. I do classes. I do meditation instruction. I do group sessions. I do individual sessions. Different topics you'll see that I cover that I feel educated enough to assist people through. You can see some of those there as well. And yeah. And then I also have the book is there, which is Joseph on Joby.com.

49:16 And yeah, and then I'm starting, I'm starting a speaking career as well, working on that right now. And that'll be fun and exciting. And then hopefully one day I'll have my own podcast and I'll have Will and Karen on. If you're lucky. I mean, that's big time. It's a full time job. It's a right. It's a full time job. Someone told me you can only go down one hallway at a time. And it's true because I was like out of the gate. I was like, I'm going to do all this at once and something. I don't know. You don't want to do that. You want to take it a step at a time. So the first thing was the book. Well, the first thing was creating spiritual warrior, which actually I coined from Pima Shadra and she coined the one in one of her books, I can't remember which book she talked about that.

50:01 And it just hit home for me. It just made sense for me because I like the warrior in us. You know, it's not because these days, that's what we need, right? These days and what's going on and you talked about all the distractions, you've got to be a friggin warrior to cut through that shit, right? So imagine yourself being, you know, painting yourself getting ready for war and it's like spiritually though, you're like, bring it. Here we go. And every day, it's like the friggin spiritual warrior. Because I'm not the spiritual warrior. I am a spiritual warrior. I feel a thing for retreat coming up. And I like it's the exact opposite of a victim, like the exact opposite.

50:43 Right, warrior. Yeah. I love that. That's awesome. Exactly. That's really cool. That's really nice. Barry, you better than the thought. Look at that. I don't know. Maybe Joseph and Karen is a better man. You know, we have a lot of fun. Hey, it's been nice having you in show. Take care. All right. So everything we've been talking about is in your book. It's called Wake The F. and I can't wait to dive into it because I need to wake up obviously. So the conversation was wonderful. Someone wants to buy your book. Can they buy it anywhere or they should go to spiritual warrior. At JosephonGeoV.com. On spiritual warrior, there's a link to JosephonGeoV.com as well.

51:23 So it's all there. Whether it's spiritual warrior.com or JosephonGeoV.com. Just make sure you spell the lesson incorrectly. And you'll get there otherwise you'll just go to some crazy Bon Jovi site. Right. It's awesome. Some rocking. You'll go down that black hole. Who says hello Karen by the way. Oh, well, I may have just lost my way. But you know, they talk about a hall pass. So anyway, Joseph, this has been fantastic. We're going to add direct links in our show notes to your website and all that kind of stuff. If you don't know how to spell his name, it's not like the rocker.

52:05 It's not spelled that way. You'll see the links later in the directly. So it's easy for you to connect spiritual warrior and wait, awesome. Pieces of content that are so needed in this world right now. Life changing. Yeah. So Joseph, thank you so much for being on the show. It's been a pleasure. And we hope that this is not the last time we talk. No, I hope not. Well, Karen, it's been a pleasure as well. You guys are great. Oh, thank you. Likewise. Thank you. [MUSIC PLAYING] [Music]