You’re Surrounded by Love…So Why Do You Feel Alone?

0:00 Hey everybody, Will here, and this is a little something extra for you. Usually it's Karen and I sitting across from a guest, asking the questions. But recently, the tables turned. Karen was invited to be a guest on Live from the Source with Alexander Dunlap and Vicky Scudieri. And for once, she was the one in the hot seat. And honestly, I loved hearing it. Because on our show, Karen spends most of her time drawing out other people's stories. Well, here, today, you finally get her stories. Who she is, what she believes in, how she came to this work, and why the Skeptic Metaphysicians means so much to her. And what is the single most important thing to her. If you've been listening for a while, you know Karen's voice. But after this conversation, I think you're going to know her heart a whole lot better. A big thank you to Alexander and Vicky for having her on. and for creating such a beautiful space for this conversation. So sit back, relax, and get to know my co-host, my partner, and my favorite person to talk metaphysics with. Here's Karen Ensley on Live from the Source.

1:17 Coming up in this episode. One of the problems might be that people have expectations of what love is, and then you miss all of these other experiences where love is right in your face and you don't even see it. When I was meditating, I had this vision of this little child running in the beach and just laughing and like the feet were touching the sand and the water and just loving that feeling. And then the mom came and took the kid and the kid started crying because she pulled him out of love. But that's a different type of love. And there's so many. And I think if we can understand and learn what love really is, we can see it in places where we didn't necessarily expect it and not feel alone just because you don't have that boyfriend or that, you know, son or daughter. You are now live from the source with Vicki and Alexander.

1:58 Live your life from the source. Play your cards right now. Okay, welcome to another exciting edition of Live from the Source. I'm your host, Alexander. And I'm your host, Vicki. And together we explore the real meaning of the regular deck of 52 playing cards. They're actually an ancient language that was hidden in a game. So the game that we play gin rummy and bridge with is actually an ancient system of knowledge. We all have cards to play based on our date of birth, a handful of 13 plus cards. Each card shows a different aspect of our human being.

2:38 It's true. And when we learn how to play our cards right, that's when life gets easier. We get in the flow. We get in sync. We've seen it over and over again. That's when the serendipities and the synchronicities happen. The right people show up right on time and everything falls into place for us. Now, before we meet our guest... If you enjoy our podcast and you want to help us spread the word of the real meaning of the regular deck of 50 playing cards on YouTube, you can like, subscribe and comment. And on other podcast platforms like Apple, Spotify or your preferred podcast platform, you can write us a review.

3:19 Yeah, please do. Your online engagement mathematically helps the algorithm that helps to spread the word. We're on a mission to spread this ancient knowledge. We want everyone to know their cards to play. We want kids everywhere to grow up knowing how to play their cards right. If you love this mission, please like, support and help us spread the word. Okay, so very exciting. Today we have our guest, Karen Ensley. And Karen is born on July 3rd, which means she is playing the Queen of Diamonds as her birth card and the Ace of Diamonds as her personality card. Welcome, Karen. Welcome. Thank you. Thank you. I'm excited to be here with you guys today.

4:02 We are so excited to talk with you. For our audience, Karen Ensley is the co-host of Skeptic Metaphysician's and one of the founders of New Reality TV, a platform exploring the intersection of consciousness, spirituality, and modern media. A creator at heart, she is on a mission to make mind expanding conversations accessible to everyone. I love that. Thank you. How did you get to your mission is to make mind-expanding conversations accessible to everyone. Oh, my gosh. Well, I was born... No. And by the way, thank you for not saying the year. I really appreciate that. Gosh, you know, it's funny. So I do the podcast with my husband, Will, and it actually started out originally with him. He has, growing up, been somewhat of a skeptic. And I've always... Just kind of know.

5:05 And you know how you just know. I've had so many dreams that you know are just more than dreams. One of them as a, I guess, young 20-something person. I remember my grandfather, he had passed when I was five. And in my dream, I was like leaning back in a chair and he was pulling light blue veils off of my face. And I mean, that felt so real. And so many dreams. And one of them, one recurring dream that I think actually has kind of shaped what we're doing now subconsciously, because I didn't know. I'd never put two and two together until way later in the game. I used to have this dream that I was taking people to the horizon. And I don't know, there was a war, there was something, but I was always taking them to the horizon. It's really kind of odd. And I remember one time I was an African-American woman and I had a head wrap and I was standing behind this shimmering blue wall. And there was a group of four or five people sitting, you know, in front of me and we were just talking. But I guess that was the horizon, which later I thought, well, it was kind of like the blue in the dream with my grandfather.

6:08 The veil, I don't know. You know, you can't be too sure because we won't know until we really know. But I think that has been part of my purpose is to help people have these understandings. And we're doing that through these conversations. So I don't know if that kind of brings it back into that. So I have learned so much through these conversations that I didn't realize there were some things I was skeptical about. And now I'm like, oh, maybe not. And I think with our platform, with New Reality TV, when we spoke about this, we saw everyone with their podcast, their individual, trying so hard to help and holding up their little light in the darkness, their little candle. But you can't really illuminate a whole lot with one flicker. So our thought was if we gather all of these candles together and put them in this space, it'll create this big, beautiful beacon that will help people light the path on their journey a little bit.

7:03 So that's what we're trying to do with the platform and with the conversations and with all these people that are starting to explore this space, but they're still not comfortable talking about it. I always call it covert mainstream because it is. It's the doctors, the lawyers, the accountants that are questioning and thinking, but they're not really comfortable to put it out there yet. We're trying to create a safe space for them. And wow, that was a really long answer. I'm sorry. No, that's absolutely perfect answer. I love it. And I love your vision and I'm holding your vision with you. It's really spectacular. And you're helping with it. We are. We have a very similar mission and we feel very aligned. I like how you say that the covert, what did you call them?

7:45 The covert mainstream. The covert mainstream. The people who are curious but don't talk about it publicly. Well, what's interesting also is like if you have a bunch of different people talking about these things but in different ways, you're bound to– that person is bound to find someone they resonate with, right? It might like– the way someone presents something, right? That's a, oh, wow. Yes, I get that. I can connect with that. Whereas for someone else, it might not, you know, like that person, you know, so having a group, you know, having all different people talking about, you know, these things.

8:26 We have so many different people in different modalities, but also even within the same modality, we have different people because of the personalities and the ages and the connection. And it's like being in a big library. You know, there's so many books and you'll take one and you'll thumb through and it's maybe not so much and you'll put it back and you'll pull out another one. You know, as long as you're still reading, that's what counts. Interesting metaphor. I like that. Thank you. Yeah. Go ahead. When you were having these dreams, were you ever scared of them? No, no. I had one. Oh, my gosh. It was more of an experience. I think I was in college and I was and I did not do drugs in college. I'm just putting that out there because it might affect how you think of my dream. Yeah. But I had it was exam week. I crashed at a girlfriend's house and I was sleeping on the floor. And I had this dream where all of a sudden everything was like the blackest black you can imagine. You couldn't see your hand in front of your face. Super dark. And it felt kind of cool and breezy. And I heard whispers. And I started listening. I'm like, hello. And then I just hear, oh, she's not ready yet. And then whoosh, like this, like feeling like going down a roller coaster. And I woke up and I couldn't even, I didn't have the strength to like, to sit up. And like, I would have goosebumps right now thinking about it. And that hasn't happened again.

9:43 And I wish, you know, when I try to get back to that place, I'm ready now, you know, but, but it was never, never a fear. I think the, the, I've had two that I guess you would say would be bad dreams. One, when I had my daughter, you know, we always freak out. with the kids and she was probably four or five and she was sleeping in her room. And I, in my dream, I woke up and I was going into her room and there was like this dark shadowy creature by her bed. And I just was like, no, you know, with all my strength and it went away. That was a little creepy, but then I'm like, well, I had you know, maybe it was just a dream, but if it wasn't, I had the strength to make it go away. So I'm strong enough to protect my daughter. And I think we all are strong enough to protect ourselves against things like that. And then the other one I had not too long ago, I was in my bedroom.

10:32 I woke up and we had these big windows in our bedroom and I had opened up the curtain. It was nighttime. And there was a really scary looking spirit of a woman, like just gaunt and dark and just angry. And she was trying to get into the window and And I was like, no, you can't be here. This is not where you need to be. You need to go to love, go to light, go to the energy. You can't be here. And then she kind of looked off and just went away. So those two, I guess, would say would be scary-ish. But when I woke up, I wasn't like, oh. Right. Those dreams are about the real people. Yeah. They seem so vivid and so real. They do. They really do. So the one with your daughter, that was a dream. You were in dream state when that happened, that you didn't walk in.

11:15 Right. Yeah. Okay. Yes. That's what I'm saying. Maybe they were just dreams. Maybe not. Our understanding of dreams is that we are in a different reality at that time. We experience it as, air quotes, a dream, but we are actually in a reality experiencing that in an altered state. I just love that you had, you know, knew in yourself had the power to be like, you know, go away kind of thing. You know, I have a friend who had a similar experience with ghosts in her house. She would hear them banging around in the kitchen and she just like knew to be like, enough is enough. Out. Get out. And they left, you know, like, so they listen. They do. Ghost interactions and they do listen. It's, you know, I don't think they really want to hurt you. They're just kind of a little lost.

12:02 Well, and I think also that our fear comes from our own human limitations. For example, it's possible that the shadowy figure over your daughter's bed is actually a benevolent figure, but it appears shadowy to the human brain. Absolutely. Absolutely. And the more that I'm in the space, the less of that fear there is. Because I know we can really, we have more control than we believe of ourself, of our energy, of everything really, of our world. Say more about that. What do you mean that we have more control than we realize? I think it's very, very easy to feel like a victim, to feel like life is happening to you. There is a lot of people believe that before we come into this world, there's a soul contract and you choose. I don't necessarily believe that. And it's funny because Will, my husband, we have this podcast together, but we have some things we have the same belief and a lot of things are really different. And then this is one of them.

13:00 I think we might say, OK, I need to I want to experience these things. I want to learn these lessons. I want to see what this is like, but not necessarily. I want to come into Florida and be the daughter of these two people. So I think that the general thing that we need or maybe it's not us choosing. Maybe it's someone else saying, hey, you didn't get this last time. You need to go back. But I don't I don't necessarily think we specifically choose that. What about people, like, so soul connections? Do you believe in that? I so believe in that. Oh, you do? Oh, my gosh. I so believe in that. I think that we have past lives with different maybe people, energetic beings. I never wanted to get married. Didn't want it in my life. My parents' marriage failed. My father married a few times after that. I hadn't really seen a good one.

13:49 I didn't think it was important. I was strong, smart, independent, whatever. And I was a serial dater, you know, and I would have my two-year relationships and then it was time to go. And I just, I would choose people that I knew were safe because I knew I wouldn't marry them. I would have married Will a week after I met him. So you married him? I would have. You would have. Yeah, I would have. I was, there was something. And you feel that with different people. We had an interview last night with Master Gu and he's a man who's in Santa Fe now. He does... Qigong, I'm sorry, Qigong. And he started talking to us about it. And all of a sudden, just like, I don't know why, but like tears. Like I just started crying and he was just talking about working with energy. And it was like, I know you, I don't know where I know you, but I miss, I miss you. Or so it was, I've had that a few times. So I do think that we have those soul energy connections. And when you feel it, you feel it and you miss it because they're beautiful.

14:51 I like that. It's definitely a question that we explore ourselves and with our work, teaching people to play their cards right. What we've come to, maybe I'll speak for myself, maybe my wife will have a different take on this. I think we feel the same way. We're going to find out right now. I feel that we have a general theme that we come to explore, that we know that we're going to come to explore. I get that information from Journey of Souls by Michael Newton. Did you ever read that book? I did not. Fascinating book where he, I won't talk all about that book, but it was from that book that I learned that as souls, we choose our lifetime. And I believe that's true.

15:41 And within the lifetime, we have free will to choose how we want to explore it. And the way that translates into our work is we choose our cards to play when we come in, and then how we play it is entirely up to us still. We still have the free will for you. How am I going to play out my Queen of Diamonds path with an Ace of Diamonds personality? But the cards are preset in the same way as the life theme is preset. That's what I've come to. That's very interesting. And just by the way, I have been telling everyone about The cards, they came from like, they're not just playing cards. Ever since we've met, I'm like, oh no, they're historic. And they're, so it's very exciting.

16:23 Thank you. No, I think it's wonderful. And I love that, you know, you've got to play your cards right. I'm like, oh, that means so much more now. So I totally agree with that. Yes, absolutely. I, you know, as a soul choosing to play out these patterns, choosing these cards to play. I do also believe that there were certain people I would meet as well. So I feel like, you know, I do feel like I chose my parents a hundred percent. I believe they're my soulmates. I'm very connected to them. And then I do believe that I'm, my purpose at this point in my life is to share this knowledge. And I wouldn't be able to do that if I didn't meet Alexander. And I do believe that we. Were, you know, definitely a recognition for us when we met as well.

17:05 Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I love that. I love that. Yeah. One thing I forgot to mention about when I was talking about the dream where I was in front of the wall, A couple of years ago, I had someone paint my soul and I had never met her. We had an interview, so you have to check out the interview. And before we even had the interview, it's like, here's a little bit about Karen. Didn't really tell him much about me. So she got the energy and she painted my soul. Well, she showed me this painting and it was like, like waterworks because it was the painting and it's an abstract art, but it was like a blue, bluish background. And then like a one kind of, not even a figure like shape, like a rounded shape that looks kind of like a head. And then like a few down below and all, it just took me, it made me remember about that dream that I'd forgotten about for years.

17:49 I'm like, she painted that dream. Well, I love it. And even though we're deep into this world, when I hear stories like that, I'm reminded of, oh my goodness, people have gifts. Like there are people who can do things like that. Yeah. It's amazing. It's always a confirmation for me. Like, yeah, I mean, I'm around this all the time, like talking about kind of, you know, esoteric, spiritual consciousness, you know, all these things. And like, and yet, yeah, you tell me so that I got the chills. I'm teary eyed, you know, just like it's it's really beautiful. There is something about getting that that confirmation or validation or even with the little things. I was with my husband sitting in the living room the other day and I wanted some coffee. And I remember we were out of milk or cream or anything. And I was like, oh.

18:35 And then I remembered a long time ago I had made some weird recipe that used creamer. And it was like back, we have this walk-in kind of pantry. It was like in the back somewhere. I'm like, I know it's still there. I'm going to go find it. So I go down the hall to look for this creamer. And what's sitting in the middle of the floor in the hall? The creamer. What? Yeah, exactly. Like I hadn't used it for months. I didn't know where in the pantry it was, but it was in the hallway right in front of the entranceway to the pantry. So these things happen, you know, they happen. It hurts you and just like jumped out. I've never had something jump out of the cupboard. I'm like, well, oh my God, the creamer hits right on the floor. It's why these things happen, you know?

19:18 And I think the more open you are to it, the more they happen. And it just makes it more fun. You might have to change the name of your show from The Skeptic Metaphysicians. Well, you know, we thought about that. We really did. But then we thought, you know, maybe our audience are The Skeptic Metaphysicians now. Yes. That's what it feels like to me. Yeah. But your experience reminds me, do you ever watch The X-Files? Oh, yeah. With Fox Mulder. And who is this? The woman who was Scully. And she would see all of these things, all these aliens and all these weird extras. things happen and yet she remains skeptical the whole time like come on come on you can't be skeptical after seeing all of that so when you see the creamer in the middle of the hall when you're thinking about the creamer you can't be skeptical anymore.

20:05 It's bizarre and these things happen all the time and I just love it so much Wow. That's wonderful. Yeah. We were tuned into them. You know, I feel like this is, this is to me, this is should, this could be the norm of every day, right? These serendipities and synchronicities and magic. That can happen. And it wouldn't be even considered magic because it's just a normal thing that this happens because we're tuned in and we're present and we're trusting ourselves and, you know, living from a more joyful place, you know, and then we, we are, we see the things. somebody else might not have like just been aware. Maybe like if somebody wasn't present, they might like go and just not like really put two and two together that that was a pretty magical thing that happened, you know, pretty extraordinary thing. So yeah.

20:53 Well, we're taught out of all of that. Yeah. And, and, and out of, you know, have you ever watched a Japanese game show? No. First of all, they're crazy. People are like running through like bull rings with a bull in it. It's, it's, You're going to potentially die in some of these shows. It's like squid games. It's kind of like squid games, but a little less, you know. But the participants are so like, they're like, yay. And they're jumping and they're laughing and so gleeful and screaming and so happy. And then the crowd is happy. And it's like here, it's like, that just wouldn't be cool. You got to be cool when you're going through the bullring, right? You know, and it's, it's sad. And that kind of is how I'm thinking now, you know, we're, we're born and we're little and we believe in all this stuff.

21:35 And then we're kind of taught out of it to just, you know, be cool. So what you're saying, the takeaway is we need to be more like a Japanese game show. Maybe, maybe run through the bullring once and it'll open your eyes to a whole new world. That's the upshot here. Everyone for everyone listening to Japanese game shows and make your life more like that. I'm actually going to do that. I'm going to try it. I'm going to see what that's all about. I love it. I love it. That's amazing. Well, going back to what I read out of your bio, I want to highlight something that is, to me, super impressive, which is that New Reality TV is actually on TV.

22:20 I mean, it's a nice name, but you guys are actually on TV. You're on Roku and Fire Stick. And people can go there and find new reality TV and start watching the shows there. Yes, absolutely. And we really wanted that because I, for one, I mean, I'm getting older. My eyes are not great. So to watch something on this little screen, it's just not going to happen. So we wanted to make it just more accessible to everyone because you can have it on. You can fold and do in your laundry. You don't have to be looking at a little screen. And it's just a better experience. Yeah. So we're super, super excited to be on Roku and on the platforms. It's a big step and it's a big testament to you guys. I don't even know what went into making that happen.

23:00 A lot of luck. But it's really true. I'm at my computer a lot of the day, not all day, but I'm at my computer. And then, I mean, it is a little bit comical that my way of relaxing is to go from my computer screen to my TV screen. But at least I can sit back. I can put my feet up. I feel like I'm relaxing. It's true. Like that is the TV experience. It is. It is. And the shows are so wonderful. We have so many incredible people that really just want to get out there and spread these messages of light and love. And it's just a great place to be. I'm excited to listen to to watch the one with the woman who does the plants, the music for the plants. Yes.

23:40 That just sounds absolutely fascinating and wonderful. Yeah. What a like a how do you start doing that? You know, everybody does all of these different things and you're like, what got you interested in that? Yeah. Yeah. They're beautiful. We'll need to have her on. Yeah. Well, you two, you and your husband are certainly leaders and you are playing the queen and he's playing the king. Don't tell him that. There you go. There you go. He's not playing the queen, the king of diamonds though. He's playing the king of clubs, but we're. Talking about Karen's partner and husband, Will, who we're going to have on, soon as well but yes both karen and will are playing queen and king cards and that is interesting you guys have built a kingdom.

24:24 Is that good or bad is it like henry the eighth king and you know well. Here's what you have free will you have the ability to choose how you want to play it and yet you guys are the king and the queen you're playing the queen of diamonds he's playing the king of clubs What is that like? Who is the boss in the house, if you can say? Gosh, you know, it's really interesting because he has softened a lot since we met. I've worked him. And he actually has been my actual boss for about 10 years in TV production. I have a couple of shows that I host, but I'm also a producer and director. And in that case, he's my boss. So at work, you know, it's very... Work is work. A lot of people don't even know we're married. We try to keep it very professional.

25:18 I mean, he's the boss and he's a good boss. He actually really is a very good boss and all of his team. I mean, these are people that would do, you know, walk in front of a bus for him and they actually have said that. So I'm not just exaggerating. So I have to respect that and, you know, model that behavior at work. And then at home, you know, that's his office. This is more my office. It was a little tricky at first when he moved into my home and it was like, oh, that's my stuff. What are you doing? Why are you moving that? The queen likes her stuff. I liked my stuff. And now, you know, stuff is just stuff. I mean, we've both grown a lot. You know, if it's something you choose your battles, you know, what's more important than we had this conversation. That's what's going to be more important. If I feel like this is more important to you, then I'm not going to fight that issue. You know, if you feel like it's more important to me, then, you know, you don't fight that issue.

26:12 We talked about when we had our daughter, I'm like, she is going to choose her husband, her boyfriends based on how you treat me. And he knows that, you know, so, and he always has, he's, he's wonderful. I really can't complain. Like I said, I would have married him right away. We have a weird way that we fit together like a puzzle. So it's not really, we, we rarely butt heads. And when we do, we both, we were both Hispanic. We both swore we would never be with a Hispanics or we were each other's firsts. And, you know, and we did marry later. I was, I think 36 when we met 36, 37. Um, so, you know, that it's good and bad because you know what you want, but more importantly, you know what you don't want. Um, but we are very good at honoring each other and maybe, you know, I honor his kingness. He honors my queenness.

27:04 I love him. So I want what's best for him and he loves me. So he wants his best for me. So that's how we work. You know, we come at things out of love and we just, you know, we work really well together. Nice. I love how you say how you honor each other. I mean, that's just. So beautiful and important. It is important. I mean, you choose this person. There's got to be a reason, right? You wouldn't choose some riffraff that you didn't really want to hang out with. I hope. You hope not. Yeah, you hope not. What you're saying is, even though it makes perfect sense and it is what you would want in a relationship, you're using words that are very specific to people playing the queen and the king.

27:45 Really? Really. Anyone born to play the queen or the king, what they want is to be honored and respected. That is the number one. And there's a sense of royalty, which can also be a sense of entitlement. Like, I deserve to be honored. Darn it. There can be that side of it. And here's where we come back to free will, where you have the choice of how you want to play out this royal archetype. But the number one thing is, I want to be honored and respected. And you're even utilizing that language in the way that you're talking about it. Yeah. It's interesting. We're very fortunate to have met. Well, maybe not fortunate. We were supposed to meet. We were in several places in the world together at the same time on the same day. And we didn't meet. Even to Athens, Greece at the Olympics. Same day. He was there for work.

28:32 I was there traveling. I probably passed by him. We were at a concert in New York together. And then when I met him, we lived in different cities. And on maybe our third date, I was like, oh, come meet some of my friends. He knew half of them. I didn't know he knew them. He knew them from whatever his life was. So we had to meet. I mean, maybe we didn't have a choice in that. I don't know if there was free will or not. Let's see. Wow. Yeah. That's beautiful. Wow. We had some similar kinds of stories where we had a lot of overlap that we didn't realize we had before we met. You were supposed to meet. It's fun. Yeah, it is. It's fun being here playing this game of life. So the Queen of Diamonds is the feminine leader. the queen is the feminine leader, the diamonds represent what you value most in life.

29:22 Oh. What truly matters to you. That's what the diamonds symbolize. The diamonds symbolize. Okay. So you're the queen of what matters. Oh, kind of like that. And you get to choose, and you already alluded to this as well, what really matters? Is it my physical stuff or does something else matter more? And you choose that and then you get to lead that whatever matters to you. Yeah. Wow. So I would say for me, what matters the most is my family. My daughter and my husband, I mean, they matter more than anything. I could live in a hole in the ground. If I'm with them, you know, we'll be fine. Wow.

30:02 Wow. Beautiful. So then based on what matters to you, playing the queen of what matters, you lead by your own example. You also alluded to this in your conversation earlier where you said the example that we set is how our daughter is going to, you know, choose her. partner or husband. So you're already aware that you lead by your own example, which is the feminine way to lead. The king leads differently. The king lays down the law, but the queen leads by her own example. Oh, wow. That's really interesting. Gosh, this is crazy. I mean, good crazy, not crazy, but you know. Well, it suggests to me that you are really in touch with yourself, that you already know these things before we're even saying it's in your cards this way. You already know it's about our example. It's about what matters.

30:52 And you're leading from that. Yeah. And I think it's love. You know, that's what it all boils down to. And we all have, I think it sounds very cliche to say, oh, you know, love is the one thing. But it's true. And I think the problem, or in my opinion, one of the problems might be that people have expectations of what love is. They think it's a couple or they think it's, you know, parent and child. But it's so much more than that. I had, when I was meditating, I had this vision a while ago of this little child running in the beach and just laughing and like the feet were touching the sand and the water and just loving that feeling. And then the mom came and took the kid and the kid started crying because she pulled him out of love.

31:34 But that's a different type of love. And there's so many. And I think if we can understand and learn what love really is, we can see it in places where we didn't necessarily expect it and not feel alone just because you don't have that boyfriend or that, you know, son or daughter. Yes. Exactly. Love takes many forms and it's all a matter of perspective. It is. And that little kid playing in the ocean, that's their love. Yeah. They're just loving everything. The feel of the water, the ability to run, the laughter. It's beautiful. This is a TED Talk. It's like your words are so healing, you know, because it's so true that people need to hear that. They associate love with certain things.

32:15 It's so true. The people in search of their soulmate for 20 years or whatever it is, you know, or, you know, whatever. Yeah, it's what you're saying. Yeah, you fixate on that lack of that typical love that the soulmate or the whatever. And that's all you see. And then you miss all of these other experiences where love is right in your face and you don't even see it. Yeah. And it's hard. It's hard to look outside sometimes. Right. When you're facing the lack instead of the abundance that is the rest. Well, in that unfortunate experience of that little child may imprint that child for the rest of their life. And they may have an assumption that what I love is going to be taken from me. Exactly. And so then I'm not safe to love.

32:58 And then what they need to learn is they can always run back into the ocean. Right. But that's kind of a metaphor. And I agree with Vicki that you can expand that and make that into a TED Talk. That's a metaphor for life of a little kid having what they love snatched away. And then that's their experience of love. Love gets snatched away. Gosh, and it's such a simple action that could happen. I mean, that could affect that kid's life the whole entire life. And then they have healing and they discover that it's from that one time when you got swooshed out of the water. It's like, gosh, because we're so sensitive and we learn in these ways when we have these experiences.

33:38 And the experiences can shape you in so many different ways. I, as you all know, recently had a cancer diagnosis. And as a woman in this culture, you're taught that how you look is the most important thing. you know, and you wear the makeup and you wear the clothes and you have to exercise because you're never going to be thin enough or have big enough boobs or, you know, like all this stuff, it's never enough. So you grow up taught to look at yourself with disdain. And so I had this experience and I had to have this surgery and you just get the downloads. And I just remember just crying to myself because all these years I've like been unhappy with how I looked. And I look at my body now as like a cherished pet. You know how people treat their dogs. They carry them around a little, you know, whatever. And they always get the best food and the best vets and the strollers. And I'm like, so my body has been here. It showed up every single day and did its best. And I never appreciated that. And so I had this whole like apologetic thing. And it's like, here, my body is doing its best for me. And it was never enough. And now look what happened. So it's a different relationship that I have now. I mean, you know, there's a bunch of rock star looking banger body people, but I look pretty darn good and I'm happy with it and I'm healthy and I can, I can walk, I can run, I can hug my kid. I can do all of these things because my body lets me. And so that's another type of love. Yes. That was gone. It was gone for so long and it took an experience for

35:08 me to work my way back into that and to realize what I had been missing out on all these years. And it is so upsetting. Wow. Wow. That's fabulous. So I like to refer to Alexander's book, play your cards, right? A sacred guide to life on earth. He has example expressions of the cards and the energy patterns of the cards. And one of the ones I keep wanting to ask you about is physical mastery. And here you are like sharing the story. And so what I would gather from it is like you had this experience, which to me is then teaching you about physical mastery, teaching you about your, you know. Yeah, absolutely. And it's hard because there's all of a sudden something that's somewhat out of your control. I would love to say I have some incredible psychic abilities and I don't. I had some very wonderful people working on me and I still had to go. I still had to get the surgery. I'm on medication that I'll be on for five years. But even with all of that, things could go two ways. I could feel sorry for myself or I could be so happy that my body made it through the surgery. There were some complications, but made it through. And it's working for me now. And I'm fine. I'm getting out of bed every day. I'm going to be around for my daughter. Because that's the thing, the important thing. I can't die because she's only 15.

36:29 So I need to be around for her for a while. Well, a couple things. The queen does have psychic abilities. Oh. So you do have psychic abilities. And your examples that you already told us are, examples of your non-ordinary abilities to see things and experience things. And to me, your mindset of I'm going to treat my body like a cherished pet, that's the key to your physical mastery. It's so true. People treat their pets better than they treat their own body.

37:10 Yeah. It's so true. And if only we treated our bodies like we treat a cherished pet, We'd all be treating our bodies a lot better. And I think it's maybe a little bit easier to look at that way because you're kind of also taught to just not think about yourself all the time. So now I have this pet and I'm thinking about my pet. So it's a little less selfish. But you're also talking, you know, hitting the nail on the head of why we might not take good care of ourselves because of that ingrained programing. from our religious heritage collectively in our Western tradition that we don't focus on ourselves. That's selfish. Right. Exactly. Altruistic. But then that leads to problems like this.

37:53 Yeah. And then you're upset and how you react to other people. It's that ripple effect. Yeah. So you can ripple either way. I'd like to be a better ripple. A better ripple. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I, I'm curious about, so I'm also playing a queen. I have the queen of spades as my personality card. And, um, so, you know, the queens have similar energies and, uh, one of the, uh, so I'm back to Alexander's book, mean spirited perfectionism. Is that something that you've ever experienced playing the queen? Do you mean as in towards myself or towards other people?

38:39 Mostly. Could be. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I am. I have a sister and we are polar opposites. We even look different. My father is from the States. My mother's from Ecuador. And she, you would never even think that she had any Hispanic in her. And growing up in the 80s, you know, Christie Brinkley, the blonde, you know, beautiful models were the thing. So all the little boys that I liked, liked my sister. And so. knowing, like it was, it was knowing I could never be like that. I had to get at least the best grades, you know, so I excelled in school and I, I, anything I did, I had to do it perfectly because I couldn't be what I thought was perfect. Because again, at that time, especially you're focused on what you look like is so much more important than who you are. So yeah. So I think physically I've had a lot of that. And then later in life, I had my daughter when I was, I was 41 when I had her. So I was an older parent. And you have this time of your life where actually my husband and I both got laid off at the same time, like right after we had her.

39:48 And so it was kind of like whoever gets the job first, that's where we'll move and we'll go from there. So we moved to Virginia because he got the job. And so it was more, I would have had to work just to afford childcare here because it was so pricey. I'm like, well, I don't want to work for someone else to take care of her who's not going to take as good of care of her and then, you know, not have anything left after that. So I stayed home. And I gave her all of the things that I unfortunately didn't have as a kid because my parents were divorced and I grew up single mom, you know, so I didn't get the home baked cookies and all of that. I did all of that, like ridiculous, like just ridiculous on steroids. And then after she got to the point where she didn't need that anymore, she's in high school now, so you can't really take cookies in the class. I'm like, Oh God, what, what is, what is left? And, and I would, you know, been working, working in TV and as a producer and director, and that kind of started drying up because of the economy. And then I'm like, well, I used to be smart. And that thought just took over.

40:50 Like now, you know, so then, so I just recently got another job. I guess maybe part to prove that self or that to myself, because I, it is that like, you have to be the best at something. Like I always felt like I had to be, you know, So there was the best teacher or the best mother or the best baker or the best producer director. And so, yeah, I still struggle with that. Absolutely. Well, it's interesting you say the best because what comes to me is your personality card of the ace of diamonds. Aces, you know, want to be the best. Yeah. The eighth is about initiating something from nothing. And diamonds, again, what you value most, what truly matters. So initiating what truly matters. So it's a double thing for you. And being the best at it. Yes.

41:37 You know what's really interesting about the diamonds is about maybe a month or two ago, I was meditating and I had this download. And it's like, why are we here? That whole thought's come into your head. And what came into my mind was this vision of a diamond. This big, beautiful diamond. And we're coming here to have these experiences because what they do is they carve another facet onto that diamond so that that diamond will shine even more brightly. There we go. So it's interesting, the diamond thing. Whoa. Yes. And that's how you make the diamond shine brighter is you sharpen it, polish it. That's great. I love that. Yes. Yes. You're tuned in. I'm trying, man.

42:18 You're already doing it. So this is a beautiful moment to say there's no need to try. You're already doing it. Thank you. And this is a key theme for the queen. You're mentioning in different ways, perfectionism, control. You didn't say this, but maybe a little obsessive about being the These are qualities of the queen where that could, pun intended, send you off your game, trying too hard. To play the queen well is all about relaxing and surrendering into it. It's a feminine energy. It's not the masculine do, do, do energy. It's the feminine. So there's a receptivity and a surrender rather than a trying hard. And in that surrender is the realization and everything lines up and falls into place perfectly. So how have you navigated that for yourself?

43:16 That is so interesting. So like I said, I recently got a job and it wasn't necessarily I don't need to have a job, but like for my mental health, I needed to do something. I'm sitting home getting lonely. I'm a people like I interact with people. That's what my my jam is. But so I had a friend. I'm like, I think I probably need to start thinking about getting a job. And he's like, oh, we're looking for this, you know, administrative thing. I'm like, I can do that. I can answer the phone. So he's like, well, just come meet, you know, why don't you come to the office? You can just meet everyone. So I'm not thinking like I haven't interviewed for a job since like back in the 1900s. That sounds so weird to say now, but it's true. Yeah.

43:56 So I go in and I'm thinking, I'm just talking to these people. I don't really need a job, you know. So we have this conversation. We're all laughing. I'm telling him how Karen is just a terrible name right now. It's just like this conversation with this whole panel. And I'm not like, it's not clicking that this is an interview for me, really. I'm just meeting these people. Right. So they end up deciding that I'm overqualified for that job. And they offer me this other position. So here I got this better job because I didn't really... care about if i got the job yeah i wasn't like i have to get this job yeah so that's that wow that is really interesting. You were just being you being you like just being you. That's wild that's a great story yes because often i find it's difficult for people to put two and two together so to speak So wait a minute, you're telling me that if I surrender and relax, I'll get something better than if I try really hard and hustle really hard? Yes, that's what I'm saying.

44:55 Wow, that's wild. And you have an actual example of when that happened. Very true. And do you like that job that you got offered? I do. I mean, I've been doing it for about a month now, and it's weird having like a regular job because before, like, For the last 10 years, it's been project-based. And I am with people. I was always leading a team of cameramen, crew, audio people, and editors and all of that. And I enjoyed that. It was like a little family unit, you know. And now I would like go to my office. I have an office now, which I've never had it. Well, it's been a long time since I've had an office, but I have a little briefcase. I got my laptop. I have to dress all fancy. But sometimes I'm sitting there and I'm the only person I see all day, you know. And so I get a little sad. You know, I'm doing marketing now.

45:45 And I've never done marketing before. And they knew I had no experience in marketing. They just thought I'd be good at it, which is great. So I'm learning a lot. I'm doing a lot of research. But it's been a little more lonely than I thought it would be. So we'll see. We'll see how it goes, you know. But so far, so good. It's part-time. I arrange a schedule so I can have Fridays off and so I can be home in time. When Sienna gets home, I'm there. So it's... Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's interesting because the ACE is a solo energy so that there you go again, that it's here, it is playing out for you like that singular energy. Yeah. That you've, you know, attracted this job that is where you're by yourself. Yeah. The symbolism of the ACE. And for those of you who are just listening, you can pull out a deck of cards out of your kitchen drawer, get the ACE of diamonds out and you can look and see that the ACE is a single dot at the center of empty space. And that is symbolic of your experience.

46:42 And it's often the case that people with that Ace of Diamonds personality, you might not like being alone. And yet it is a path for you to get comfortable in your own skin, to appreciate your own company. Like Henry David Thoreau, I've never met a companion as companionable as solitude, that kind of thing. It's part of your process to be comfortable by yourself. Yeah. That's, you guys are blowing my mind. These are regular cards. These are regular cards. How does that feel for you when I say that it's about being comfortable by yourself? Well, I've, I am. I lived alone for many years before I met Will. And I wasn't that person that always had to have a relationship or anything like that.

47:29 But I think I enjoyed the work that I was doing up to this point so much, but it didn't feel like work, you know, because you're on a project and you're with a group and you're laughing and So, and, and I didn't want to be home alone every day. So maybe, I don't know, maybe I just kind of forgot that feeling of, of being okay, you know, with being by myself. And, and this job is very interesting because I'm, I'm their entire marketing department that I had, they've never had a marketing department before. So I have to really figure out on my own what to do and how to do it and when and why and, and all of that stuff. So it's, I love the autonomy and there's no micromanaging, you know, um, So that's really nice. But yeah, I hadn't really thought of that.

48:12 It has been a while since it's been just me and I guess I'm just not used to it anymore. It's also interesting to me, you got the job because you didn't want to be alone at home and now you're alone at work. I know. At least I'm getting paid to be alone. Yeah, sure. But it's interesting because I get to be as creative as I want. Like I have to figure this stuff out. There's no one, you know, so I'm hoping they're liking what I'm figuring out. We'll see. It's interesting. When you talk about that, I'd like to share about the way we perceive things. So we all have different ways of perceiving things, of receiving guidance. And I've heard you say how you've had like the dreams and the visions and intuition in your, you know, coming through you, the image of the diamond, information coming in during meditation. And actually, and, you know, obviously there's all different ways that we can perceive, right? Like, you know, all of these things that I'm saying, including feelings as a navigation system, the wisdom of our bodies is also a way of navigating and receiving guidance. Being that you're playing double diamonds, the diamond energy is all about gut instincts.

49:23 So I just, you know, I just heard you saying like when you were saying about like trusting you to find your way with the marketing and like what you come up with, I just felt like, oh, like your body is going to tell you. like what to do you know because. It's such a has that been something you've noticed that you have great gut instincts um. Now yes not in the past but yeah that that's something and i think maybe working in this space i've taught more to maybe it's not that i didn't have the instincts i just didn't listen to them no so i think that's what it. Was you say more about that like why did you not listen to your gut instincts well i think. We're taught not to You know, it's, it's, you have to look at the facts, look at the data. You know, before I said I would always choose people that were safe to date because I knew I wouldn't marry them because I didn't want to get married. I don't think I knew that consciously until later. You know, it wasn't like, oh, he's a musician, you know, there's no future there. Hey, you know, it wasn't like, it was just more like, oh, he's cute, you know, but, and in fact, when I, when I met Will, And I really just fell for him so quickly. And I remember thinking, gosh, I've been making some bad choices. So I talked to all my friends.

50:31 I have this, I used to throw this big Christmas party every year. I'm like, all right, you got to go check them out. So at one point I look and he's sitting on a bar stool, like against this wall. And there, I kid you not, is a line of my girlfriends standing to vet him. I'm like, because I have done such a bad job at picking out guys. Y'all are on it. He was just like, that night was terrible. Wow. But but now, you know, I did come to that realization. I'm like, why do I want to marry him? And I've you know, and it was scary. It was scary being with him because I really did. One of the arguments that we would have at first was, well, he would say, you're just too independent. You don't need me.

51:13 And I didn't. I had prided myself on that. I don't need anybody. That's the ace of diamonds again. You're happy by yourself. You're independent and autonomous. Yeah. You would definitely have given off that vibe because it's your personality. But now I know that the other people that I chose were keeping me in that solitary space. Subconsciously, I chose the people that I would not stay with. And it was a big risk to be with Will. And it's paid off. Great. You trusted your instincts and you went for it. I did. I did. So I do that more now. Good. And trying to teach our daughter how to trust hers. Because again, you're taught not to, you know, oh, you should be polite. I'm like, no, if there's an elevator and a creepy guy in there, or even if he's not creepy, but you get a vibe, don't go in. You don't have to be polite. Right. Trust your gut. Yes.

52:00 Yeah. It's been important for us as parents, too, to make sure that our children maintain their own inner guidance system. That's how I phrase the same thing. Yes, absolutely. You keep your inner guidance system and we don't override that in you. Absolutely. We're telling you something. If your own inner guidance system is telling you something different, you need to trust that. Right. Exactly. You don't have to. you know, kiss that creepy aunt or, you know, whatever. The kid's like, if they're not comfortable, you don't do it, especially when it comes to your body and your, you know, and you have to learn that young because it just gets more complicated and more difficult. Yes. Well, it gets overridden. It's like your story of the kid getting pulled out of the waves. We override our children's natural guidance system and we do it for our own reasons. And it's been important for us as best as we can not to do that.

52:48 And there's, there's that fine line, you know, you don't want them to stick their hand in the fire. Absolutely. Or eat Skittles for breakfast, but. We are going to wrap it up here. It's been a pleasure to have you on before we go. I know. Yes. One final question. If you could have an, an enormous billboard of, that millions or even billions of people could see, what would it say? It would say, stop and love.

53:29 Beautiful. I feel like that's a song lyric. Isn't that a stop in the. Name of love? Stop and love. Just stop what you're doing and just love. I love it. I love that. Thank you so much. What a pleasure. It's been so much fun. Thank you. And wow, you guys have really just blown me away today. So thank you for all the guidance. You're very welcome. Our pleasure. We love sharing this guidance and this ancient knowledge. And thank you for joining us. We're going to post all your links in the show notes so people can find you. And we urge people to find you and connect with you and your show, Skeptic Metaphysicians and New Reality TV.

54:10 And that's another episode of Live from the Source with Vicki. That's Vicki. And I'm Alexander. And we would love to hear from you. If you want to comment, leave us a comment. We'd love to hear from you. And as always, may you live your life like it's your favorite game to play. Thanks, everybody. Thank you.